Saturday, November 8, 2014

This Working

This in my heart, this stirring and pulling to see the beauty in the days I never planned can only be attributed to the Sacred.  I am not capable of bringing good out of the ugly.  Only God can do that.
Only He can calm my heart and bring peace.  He wraps me, each second, in this mystery of grace. Oh, that I can use these moments He has given me to walk bravely into His deepest love.

Through these days, these moments, in the noisy, in the very quiet, in the questions, and even in the answers I feel the pulling and stretching of grace.  Grace that cannot be described with adjectives works in this heart of mine.  It softens the anxious.  It strengthens the weak places.  It leaves me feeling indescribably grateful.

I feel grateful that when I open the Word, it reaches into places in my heart that seemed once undiscovered.  When I whisper prayers, they mean indescribably more than they did even yesterday.  I am thankful that when I use the word love, it is real and powerful.  I am grateful that this grace opens my eyes in degrees once impossible.

I see the wrinkled hands of the caregiver reaching out to the hand of my husband and I am overwhelmed with a picture of love.  I see the cards on the wall, the letters in the messages, the lyrics in a song...all prescribed by the Author and Finisher of my faith for each moment.  The embrace of a friend, the bowl of soup, the warmth in a cup of coffee shared...love.  Love...graces to my soul.  

Grateful.  Grateful that when the flood of insecurity rises, the truth of Sacred love washes over my soul.  I am warmed by His promises, His words, and His truth that I am not alone.  This Lord, this Shepard really does calm the waters.  He brings light to the shadows.  He strengthens my soul.

This working of grace is a mystery.  I cannot fully understand it.  I can only share it.  So I offer these words as a humble way of sharing the mystery of a loving God, even in the difficult.  I would not have chosen this hospital bedside seat of caring for my husband, but I am grateful for the depths of grace only this place could have brought me.  I am humbled that He would draw this close to this simple girl.  I am awed at the lengths He goes to shed this love abroad on my heart.  Oh, that I would not waste even a tiny bit.  This beautiful gift, this perfecting work of love...may it be, this working, a lasting and beautiful thing in my life.



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