Wednesday, June 5, 2013

Looking Back...Just A Bit

For some reason, I was thinking about my little, cottage kitchen back home.  I must have dreamed about it in the night.  I woke trying to remember how it looked and felt.  Then, I remembered some old photos that were stashed away somewhere that I had taken not long before we moved.  It looked bright and cheery.  These photos seem to make it look much happier than what I found when we returned to do repair work not long ago.  But, I guess it is all in perspective.  When someone else is living in your home, it just doesn't have the same feel.  It feels strange and odd.  You notice things that you never noticed while you lived there.  It is sort of a surreal feeling.  It feels familiar and strange at the same time.  I felt ownership and distance.  It is just a different sort of feeling.  I suppose a kitchen, for most women, is like their office.  It is their space to create some of life's most important moments.  I guess when someone else is living in your space, it just makes for an awkward feeling.

I am looking forward to another cottage kitchen someday in the future.  I really don't mind our smaller, yet quite efficient, kitchen we have in our current spot.  I have made myself not look at homes for sale.  I have promised myself to spend this year just living and not worrying about the next home, the next kitchen, or the next place that I will call mine.  Most days, that isn't too hard.  Some days, it is quite the struggle.  But, I think it is very good for me to just learn to live in the moment.  I have earnestly worked on not spending too much time looking back, too much time looking ahead, and too much time fussing over "house" things.  Whew, that is big for me.  I love fussing about "house" things.  I guess that is just part of how God made me, but it isn't all that He made me to enjoy.  I know that I can over-do my fascination for spaces. 

Just this morning, I found out that the unit right next door is available.  I have looked with longing at this unit since we first moved.  It's patio location just makes me a wee bit envious.  I have tried to avoid thinking about it, but curiosity got the better of me this morning.  While in our management office for errands, I just had to ask about the possibility of scooting on over to that unit.  Of course it can be done, if I want to shell out $500.  I sort of chuckled inside.  I knew this was a gentle, comical reminder from God above that I was "fussing" too much with petty house things.  

I came back and was looking at the photos above.  One thing that really stood out to me was the bottle warmer plugged in by the stove.  That means when I took this, my littlest was still so very small.  It is a funny thing to notice, but for me another little reminder that fussing over house stuff really does take a back seat to time.  I'll take time loving on my babies any day over remodeling kitchens and moving next door.  For I well know that time is so fleeting.  That bottle warmer is no longer on my counter.  I gave it to a friend with a new baby some time ago.  Perhaps soon I might have another space to call mine, another cottage with a lawn...but I am not going to worry with that today.  Today, I am just going to bake cupcakes for the biggest boy's school party and do the dishes in my perfectly fine kitchen. 

B Charmer

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