Monday, December 31, 2012

The End

The end of a year has come.  It was a year full of surprises, obstacles, victories, and challenges.  In many ways it was a very definitive year in our family's lives. Much has occurred.  Much has changed.  Much has been learned. We are better for the days we have experienced.  We are softer, more patient, and hopefully a bit wiser.  We are together, healthy, and growing. 

That is a good year.

Our journey is still in process.  We will be packing our bags yet again in the very near future.  In one month, we will be calling another temporary place home for awhile.  As I tell my children, "we are just enjoying the adventure."  Sometimes, I have to remind myself that as well. 

Changes are ahead.  I do not know the details, but I have learned that is not important.  I am trying to just take it a step at a time.  We have so many promises from God above to ever fret too much.

I only made one resolution this year, and that was to read my Bible through.  I have done it before, but this time I took it chronologically.  If you did not know, the books of the Bible are not in order by the date they were written.  This year, I read the story of my Savior from start to finish, from the beginning to end, in the order in which the events occurred.  It was a very good resolution.  I am so glad that I kept it.  Not many years in life have I been able to say I completed any resolutions.

This year, I am focusing on simplicity.  The gift to be the gift to be free.  I guess we shall see where this road takes us.  It is not as measurable as my last resolution, but I know the steps I need to take, and with God's grace...maybe the coming December 31, I can claim another little victory. 

Hug your family close.  Determine to be better than before.  Open your heart to love as much as you possibly can, and let God handle the rest.  That my friends will ensure a Happy New Year!

Much Love 
~ B Charmer~

Wednesday, December 12, 2012

When Every Door Shuts

You know the saying, "when God closes a door, He often opens a window"?  Lately, it seems that all doors and windows have been sealed off and nailed shut.  I am trying to trust.  I am praying for increased faith.  Mostly, I am just waiting.

Since we moved, there has always been the lingering knowledge that this step was temporary.  We left our home and rented a city apartment.  We had no intentions of renting forever.  We want a home for our boys.  We took this year to get closer to K's job, work on getting him healthy, and to focus on our family.  It has been good in many ways, but there have been difficulties.  Mostly, I think I am the difficulty. I haven't allowed myself to rest any during this time. 

I have worried and fretted over the next step almost from the beginning. I worried myself right into a job that seemed necessary.  I worried myself into nearly buying a home.  And most recently, I just about allowed it all to take me right back to the place we so desperately needed a respite from. 

It is ridiculous. 
I have asked God's forgiveness and requested His abundant patience oh my behalf. 

I think I might finally be understanding what I am supposed to do.


If we make it or break it here, it is not mine to will. It is not my job to try and fit all the pieces together. They don't all fit, and no matter how I try to strong-arm my way into making things work perfectly, it simply will not. 

My children will not be scarred for life if I do not get them back into a house for awhile.  My finances will not be a complete disaster if I step back from a job and focus on my family.  My life will be OK, even if I stop trying to control every nanosecond.  Why?...because I am not in charge.  My best laid plans pale in comparison to the journey of obedience I am being asked to follow. 

But, I am scared. I am scared that I might make a wrong move.  I am scared to walk away from a very secure job.  I am scared of signing another year away to a lease.  I am scared that ends might not meet.  I want to be brave and just trust His provision.  However, I have never been very good at just letting things go.  As much as I hate working all the time, missing out on time with my boys, and spinning my wheels just for some "security", it is still very difficult for me to just let it go. It seems so counter to my nature to do everything I can to make sure things work!  I stay in knots wanting things to be different, but fear keeps me stuck in a holding pattern. 

I am trying.  It is a struggle and a weakness that I am seeing much more clearly about myself than ever before. With His grace, maybe I can do this...let go of the pieces and trust Him to make them all fit.

I keep thinking of how hard I work to make things OK for my kiddos...and I know that my efforts are so small compared to what the God of the universe can do for me. I feel like a little girl standing on the edge of the high-dive desperately wanting to leap to the waters below, but the fear is so strong my toes have a death-grip on the platform. 

One-by-one He is prying them off...

~B Charmer

Thursday, December 6, 2012

City Grey

I stopped at a crosswalk today to let a dancer pass.  He was leaving the Metro Ballet Company, and hanging from his bag were several pairs of dance shoes. In that tiny moment, I wished I could have leaped from my car and magically traded places.  The freedom to move and jump...the freedom.

These days, freedom exists only in small segments, and then I am generally too worn to enjoy it.  Something must change.  I feel the rush in my heart that change must be on it's way.   Change of heart-- or change of circumstances.  I am not designed for elevators, desk work, and fifteen minute sips of fresh air. 

City scenes on little breaks are my saving grace in the daily war of numbers and phonecalls.  There are hidden treasures all over this town, if you look for them.  I am ever-looking...ever-searching.  I am trying not to drown in the weight --of the wait.  In the meantime, I am trusting my Savior.  And --I am enjoying the beauty and the art of others before me that  also could not sit at a desk. 

B Charmer

Wednesday, December 5, 2012

December Grey

This month has it's own special colors.  Hues of grey and gold in the late Autumn sky.

  I wish this church opened it's doors to the passer by...

A Governor's Gate
The child in me delights in the idea of climbing and jumping over to roam the garden grounds.

I once heard a song that said, "Don't trust your soul to a backwoods southern lawyer..."  I hummed the tune as I passed by.

  A grey day for walking and thinking. 

B Charmer

Monday, December 3, 2012

Won't You Be My Neighbor?

Traditions are the stuff childhood is made of... like the tradition of watching Mr. Roger's neighborhood in the afternoon...way back when PBS was the only choice for kid's television? (I know you are humming the song now!) Holidays sure do have a way of bringing out the traditions, don't they?

I think that we treasure holidays and events because of the traditions that we celebrate.  We look forward to the glow and warmth that comes from the return of Mamaw's fudge, or the perfect apple pie that debuts every Thanksgiving. 

I am trying to preserve some traditions and create new ones for my little guys.  One fun, little tradition that we have is the annual Christmas parade.  Our children have not missed a single one since their birth.  They are really quite cute and silly, but the boys love sitting curbside watching the horses and marching bands.  It seems to be our unofficial--official welcome to Christmas!

We could not let a year pass without seeing the parade.  So, we loaded up and went home for the weekend.  We walked down from Mamma's (my mother) house through the Christmas Tree Lot,  and found our favorite spot.  The boys had a blast. 

As the floats passed and dancers danced, I felt the warmth of community.  I'd like to think that by going to the parade, we are passing down the tradition of loving our neighbors--(cue the Mr. Roger's theme song!)

There is a joy of knowing people and loving people.  Being there to support our locals and to cheer for the home team is a good thing. Community is something bigger than ourselves and is quite lovely.  Maybe we are there for a Christmas parade, but really we are cheering on our fellow friends.  We smile and laugh.  We yell "Merry Christmas!" and by doing so, we are spreading the love of community and teaching our kiddos that one tradition to never let die is community.  That is so much of the Christmas Spirit!

So, bring on the holidays and fudge.  Sing the carols and mail the cards.  Cheer for the home team and spread a little love....

It is tradition, after all!

B Charmer

...and won't you be, please won't you neighbor?

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