Friday, September 7, 2012

Dear Friends,

The journey these months has been most unpredictable.  When we moved, I knew life would be different and full of new things.  However, I could have never imagined the ride we have been on for these many weeks.  Some changes have been welcomed and others have been painful.  But, I am learning that all things look better after deep breaths, time in scripture, and many cups of coffee. 

I am a changed person.  Seasons change and life must change as well.  My days no longer consist of babies at home, teaching music, and puttering around our old house in our quaint, little town.  I would be lying if I said I don't miss those days dearly at times.  Some mornings before my eyes are fully opened, I hope I will wake to a drafty old house that I complain about, a crying baby in a crib, and a bouncy boy in my bed chattering of pancakes and worms.  Some mornings I hope it was all a strange dream.  

Some days I am eager to jump from bed, dress in my best, and take the commute into a bustling downtown and be a part of city life.  Some days the feel of lipstick and heels and sitting at a desk on the fifteenth floor feels good and successful.  Some days, walking to lunch and passing fountains and office buildings seems OK.  Some days I like this new life.

But somewhere in the middle is where I am.  I am OK.  I am not sad.  I am not regretful.  I am learning to take it all in stride. I had plans to take my little loves of pretty things and make a go of it.....then I was thrown a curve ball.  I was offered a job in accounting for a major law firm I worked for long before I became a mother and music teacher.  Me...accounting?  I nearly turned it down. It was so strange and so random that I had to really dissect the decision. Sometimes, it is just hard to know what to do.  Sometimes, it is difficult to determine God's leading.  Sometimes, you just have to jump and hope you are not going to fall flat on your face.  Some days, I think I have hit the pavement.. and other days feel like I am doing the very best thing I can for our family for this finite time.

I remember how scared I was in January when the paramedics were at my house.  I remember seeing my husband lying in a hospital bed.  I remember the fear of the unknown.  I remember wondering how we would make it through all those days.  I remember worrying about the bills that would surely surface.  I remember promising God that I would trust Him.  I remember the peace He gave me.  I remember seeing prayers answered and miracles occurring.  When I get off that elevator each morning, I often hear a still, small voice saying "I am providing, and I would never let you down. The journey may not be anything like you expected, but I am good and I can be trusted...and you know that."

I do know that and believe it with every morsel of my being. I would rather be on this journey with Him, then any journey of my own. And...I am figuring out how to be both, the new me...and the always, never-ending...

~B Charmer

...see you soon, friends...

1 comment:

Popular Posts