Thursday, May 26, 2011

Excuse Me, Could I Borrow Your Sanity?

Oh my, what a whirlwind of events have taken place since Super Man left for T Ball 2 weeks ago.  Could somebody please tell him to come back? I could use some super powers.

It all began to unwind when we got a call that my grandmother had a stroke and was not expected to live.  It was a shock to our system, to say the least.  She was one of those ladies that you just think will go on forever.  We hurriedly packed the car and kiddos and took off to Ohio.  The boys did great in the car.  By the time we made it, she had gone on to meet her Savior.  It was so bittersweet.  I will have to share some thoughts on her soon.... 

While we were there, Lincoln began to have a meltdown of sorts.  He was just not himself at all.  I thought it was the traveling and all the family and friends we were around.  There were lots of changes to his environment and schedule. It became the goal of all around to help me get him calm.  I have a wonderful, large family.  We all passed him around and tried our baby secrets on him...none of which seemed to be working.  Then..the diaper explosion began.  He was filling up car seats, strollers...ruining outfits (both his and those fortunate enough to be holding him).  The sounds coming from this tiny baby were unbelievable.  My husband had to return to work and left me with the boys in OH.  Oh, how I missed him!  My family was wonderful to help...but nobody can replace your husband.

When we returned home it got progressively worse.  Several thought it was colic...it was a mess.  Then, he began struggling just to nurse.  SCREAMING and CRYING most all the time.  I think I was in survival mode just trying to cope.  Finally, my mother pointed out to me that something was wrong.  She asked me if I realized how MUCH screaming and crying was going on.  I looked like I had been to battle and back, and Jackson was going nuts. 

We tried everything.  I talked to Lactation consultants, nurses, friends...and went to the doctor. I was aware of dairy issues with nursing babies and tried eliminating dairy...no luck.  Finally, out of desperation, I opened a can of formula and he took it like a pro....and slept for 8 hours straight.  We have been to the doctor again, and it seems as if there is some sort of intolerance going on with him and my milk.  It is not dairy because he is taking the milk-based formula well.  I have been pumping and storing and the doctor said to try the milk again after several formula feeds  to see how he did....well, I did and it was a return to nightmare land.  

I am coming to grips with letting go of nursing.  It is funny because in the beginning I wasn't even sure I wanted to try it again.  I nursed Jack for a year...and just had my radar up about the whole thing second time around.  However, Lincoln nursed really well-- after the first couple of weeks.  It was becoming a pleasurable experience.  I finally started to see why some people really enjoy it. 

He seems to love the bottle.  He has had no issues switching over.  I am the one with the issues.  Trying to get over the engorgement and all the discomfort is a bit difficult.  Feeling that fullness and knowing how easy it was to nurse him pulls on my emotions a bit too.  Last night was hard.  I just wanted to hold him, nurse him, and see him soothed.  I got brave and tried my milk one more time....BIG mistake.  It is definitely my milk.  I know we could work really hard on elimination dieting and probably get to the bottom of this, but I don't want him to be in that much discomfort while we are finding what works--if we even can.  It is crazy to put him and me through that. 

So, we are trying to find our new normal.  It has been a bit crazy.  I am thankful for friends and their soothing words and advice.  I am thankful for a great family.  I am thankful for formula...

....and I miss my Mamaw...a lot.

~ B Charmer

PS any words of wisdom on drying up the milk?

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