Thursday, March 24, 2011

The Decision

     Sometimes simply writing my thoughts helps me process my choices and enables me to come to a conclusion on decisions.  I was pretty certain last night that I was going to call in today and cancel the induction.  I felt pretty confident that there was no need to rush or push things before necessary.  I talked with my husband and he was very supportive in either of my choices.  I was sort of hoping he would just tell me what to do...but that is not how it works.  I spoke with some friends, family, and mostly had a time of prayer.  I went to bed still unsure what the right decision was. I asked God to give me peace about waiting.
     I woke up this morning quite sick.  My stomach was in knots and left me tossing my cookies.  My son was all energy and ready for the day.  I, on the other hand, felt like a tour bus had landed on my bed sometime during the night.  It was not a pretty sight.  So, I began listing...listing pros and cons, fors and againsts...
     Waiting does not insure that I will not have to make this same decision in a handful of days.  Waiting does not mean I will get to keep working because, I am done.  I am beyond able to teach at this point.  I had some crazy notion that today I might make it into work...yes, it was crazy.  Waiting does not mean that I will be able to go without medications.  Waiting simply prolongs everything.  I had to be induced with my first.  I had no choice, and it was a no-brainer.  There are some things that indicate that I may be in the same boat.  The baby is already pushing 8 pounds and waiting means he will only get bigger.  Last time, we had the issue of meconium in the womb, and while everything with that ended up being fine...it is still a risk.  My hips are nearly shot.  All the surgeries of my childhood and the genetic issues that I have are putting a good deal of stress on my joints.  Also, the baby is laying on my femoral nerve which is most...most unpleasant.  I have also been told that I have pubic symphysis diastisis, which simply means that the naturally occurring gap in the front of the pubic bone in me is too large...again probably due to my genetic joint issues. This causes a lot of popping and catching and a slightly more unstable pelvis.   ---Writing this all makes me sound like I am falling apart!  I assure you, I am not.  I think I am doing pretty well...but it does make me understand a bit more why my doctor is offering to take this baby sooner than later.  The stress on my body is evident and getting more so as the days go by.  Carrying him longer could be perfectly safe and fine, but carrying him longer could put more strain on my already strained joints, and the last thing I want is to have to have hip surgery after having a baby. 
    The foggy scene in my brain is clearing.  It is not ideal to be induced, but if it means I have the best chance of having a natural delivery, saving some strain on my hips and joints, and giving my son a chance to come into this world without surgery, I think I should stick with it.  I feel a peace about it now that I have not felt.  I was really twisted inside because of my "ideals" but...there are reasons, legitimate reasons to reconsider.  No, none of them are life-threatening to me or baby.  None of them may even come to fruition, but why risk it?  It seems wiser to go with the path of least known resistance.
     So, tomorrow, hopefully I will have a beautiful new picture to post of my precious new son.  Hopefully, tomorrow we will be celebrating the first of many, many birthdays on March 25.

Thank you for sharing in my journey.  I can't wait to show him off! :)
~B Charmer
    

3 comments:

  1. Love you! Whatever you decide is best for you and the baby and the circumstances (even when it comes to feeding). I'll be praying tomorrow.

    Karen

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  2. (((hugs))) Praying for you as you prepare! Can't wait to see pictures!

    Hang in there, hon--you're in the home stretch. God bless!

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  3. I'll be praying for the best in all things. I can't wait to see if he has red hair!

    Love you!

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