Saturday, July 25, 2009

Going Home

Going home, oh that sounds nice. Packing the bags, loading the car, waving goodbye to the lazy lab on the porch. I can't stay forever when I get there, but just to be there will be a sweet treat. I am going back to the mountains. Do you know, I can actually smell the trees? I know what they sound like, and how the rocky soil feels on my bare feet. I can almost see the leaves changing colors... I know they are not ready yet, but it is coming. If you listen closely they will tell you that it is coming.
There is something about those Tennessee hills that always whispers to my soul....come back home. I have lived in many places, my family has long since left, and time has passed more quickly than I would like. However, I know where home is when I see the peaks rolling ahead in the skyline. My heart beats a little faster, and I just want to jump in Horse Creek and feel the chilly water. There are many memories piled on those hills. Memories of childhood and all its wonder. Oh the lazy days of summer just hoping the temperature would rise enough to take off the shoes and jump in the water!
I remember when I left too. I thought that the only path to happiness was just on the other side of the ridge, but once I crossed, I realized that happiness is in the heart and that is something you just have to take with you. It seems that ever since I said goodbye, I have been trying to get back, even if for just a short stay. I want to see the hay fields and hear the cows. I want to walk through the doors of that country church I loved so dearly. I want my son to know the feel of damp moss on his feet. I want him to look in surprise at the little black bear up in the tree. I want it to be a part of him like it is a part of me. I want the sound of a banjo and guitar to soften his heart like it does mine.
So, I keep going back. I go, and I long to stay. Maybe one day the road will stop there again, and I can unpack for a long while. Until then, any moment there is sweet.
Let's go home.

Friday, July 24, 2009


Charmed is a unique word. It congers many thoughts of captivation and attraction. I suppose it would be lovely to be thought of as charming. In my eyes, it takes multiple attributes to sincerely be charming. I see myself quite far from that adjective at times. Lately, I have been thinking about all the things necessary for me to feel as though I were headed down the "charming" path. My ideal is somewhere between Martha Stuart and Giada de Laurentiis. You know, the ultimate gardener that can whip up Italian delicacies in her handmade lovely apron and heels, while the baby plays in his starched white frock, with the non-shedding loyal Labrador on the sparkly clean kitchen floor. The laundry is all pressed and tucked away. The house is neatly organized and discreetly labeled so that everything has its place, and is in its place. While this is certainly not a picture of my reality, it is a lovely thought. It is the kind of lovely that graces the cover of some dreamy magazine that attempts to make you feel as though this is attainable. With enough money, hired help, and backstage crew, I suppose it might be least possible to capture one lovely photograph. While I have come to the realization that this is not the everyday life of most women, it doesn't stop me from wanting it sometimes. That magazine is doing a great job of selling the idea to me!
Is is foolish to want something so superficial? Yes, undoubtedly, but the truth is I don't want something superficial, I want the real deal. I want the whole package with the real smiles and the real joy that is so well personified in each scene. I want that magazine to call me for a cover shoot! I want to be truly charming.
The reality is that true charm comes from within. I equate charm with God's grace. His grace covers all of my unsightly unpleasantries, and graces me with His love, and His charm. Without His grace, I would just be some girl in an apron with a ridiculously dressed baby, trying not to burn the pizza. Most days, I am her. Thankfully, I can go to Him for cover. He knows the desires of my heart, and with his help, maybe I can be a little more like Him, and a lot less like me. The true joys of motherhood and family life will come to the focus....and if I am patient he might throw in a dash of charm now and then.

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